Assertiveness: The most powerful skill you have to develop

Good morning,

I want to share with you one section of my book "Selling the Moto". It's about interpersonal skills, concretely about assertiveness.

Hope you like it.

Assertiveness is the art of denay giving the reason to the other. Let me place you an example:

David goes with Carla (his girlfriend) to an expensive restaurant. It’s a big night for him, he is going to propose her. For main dish, he orders a steak, but when the waiter serves it, it’s crude. So David asks him to take back the steak and cook it a little bit.

But, the waiter says:

Don't bug me! The steak is perfectly cooked.

Now, what will David do?

A: What did you said? How you dare to? Keep your food, we are leaving.

Date ends, moment get ruin, and I bet she won’t be in the best mood if David proposes her.

B: I don’t f* care about your opinion, bring the steak as I had asked for.

David shows himself dominant and aggressive. All an Alfa. The waiter will bring back the dish as David ordered; but it’s quite possible, as with Kinder Surprise, it will have a surprise inside (but not a funny one). Would you risk to eat the steak?

C: Ok, don’t worry, I will eat it like that.

David does nothing, and eat the crude steak. David is paying for something he doesn’t want to eat, but he doesn’t want any problems. He’s being weak in front of her future fiancee.

D: You are right. She also says it to me… all the time! So I’m sorry to insist you, but can you tell to cook it a little more, please? Thanks.

David has been clever, he has been assertive. He’s been calm, funny, he turned a potential unpleasant situation into a funny anecdote. He gave the waiter the reason and he can be sure no one is going to spit in his steak when it comes back. He hasn’t been weak neither dominant, but at the end, he has his well cooked steak and nobody is angry. (Btw, good luck with the proposition, Dave)

Because people break the first rule (be polite); we can find ourselves in situations we don’t understand quite well. “Why is he reacting like that?” Being assertive will help us solve this kind of situations . Who knows maybe this person is having a bad day and it’s punctual. Maybe the waiter found out that he was going to be fired after his shift.

Being assertive is better than burning a bridge forever.